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The following material contains attempts at humour - all drawn from real forum experiences. Read it in the spirit intended, or click on the big back image right here .... otherwise scroll on down.
Ten time-saving tips on getting answers in Help Forums
1
ALWAYS SHOUT
Do not type your question in those wimpy lower case letters - make it clear that you are an IMPORTANT person and you WANT your problem solved RIGHT NOW. Not in five minutes .. RIGHT NOW.
2
Be concise
The fewer words you use to describe your problem, the faster it will be solved. "My thig dosent wrok" or "this sucks" is so much faster to type than a boring think-about-it-first sort of question.
3
Make 'em click here
'No Subject by Anonymous' is almost guaranteed to lure someone into reading your post ... and once they're there, they are probably dumb enough to give you an answer - and you never needed to give out any information.
4
Never give your site URL
Let's face it, you only asked the question because you couldn't figure out the answer ... why do people need to look at your web site? Never give out your web site address - let 'em solve your problem blind if they think they're so smart!!
But, if in a moment of weakness you posted a URL, make sure that it is not the URL of the page with the problem - it's fun for people to search your whole site to solve your problem. Better yet, leave a URL that is wrong or doesn't work ... but be sneaky. Make it look like a real URL - say www.members.aol.com
5
Don't leave your mistake there
Make sure that the code you cannot get to work has been removed from the page before you post your question. Why should you leave a page with a mistake there for the whole world to see, on the off chance that some forum groupie drops in to solve your problem.
6
Never Look elsewhere
So what if there was a post in the same forum three lines down with a subject line that looks vaguely familiar (or even identical!). That was someone else's problem solved. It couldn't possibly relate to your problem. Help Forums are for asking questions, not reading answers!!
7
FAQ - what FAQ?
FAQs are for wimps - people who couldn't code their way out of a paper bag. You have a REAL problem, so why waste time reading help pages or FAQs that might relate to your problem. Besides, someone knows the answer without you having to invest your time is reading frequently asked questions when you want an answer??
8
Never give away your secrets
This one's important!! Do not tell anyone what page editor you use. Do not tell anyone what browser gives you the problem. As if that would make a difference!!
9
Insist on personal service
I'm really busy and don't get to this forum often, so send me the answer by e-mail to important_idiot@hotshotmail.com.
10
ALWAYS do this
And the most important rule of all .. NEVER, EVER, SAY THANK YOU.
This will ensure that whoever spent fifteen minutes sorting out your problem will rush back to help when you have another self-inflicted wound.
:)
The only rule you need to know
Leave your name, leave your e-mail address, leave the real URL for the page with your problem. Make the subject line useful ... I need help with my counter, for example.
Provide useful information in the body of your message - describe your problem in a couple of sentences. Post the browser you use, the page editor you use, your webspace provider (yes, that could make a difference - and it may not be obvious from your site URL).
Give it a try - you may be surprised at how quickly you get the real answer to exactly your problem. And then one day, you'll see a problem posted to which YOU know the answer and you can join the happy band of forum groupies who help :)
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